Yesterday was a long day. We managed to pull into our hotel at 6:15pm, only 11 hours after we left out house. We had one stop for puking, one hour of sleep from Haven, one hundred books read (the same ones over and over!), one broken air conditioner and one cranky mama. It was definitely one of those days where I am not proud of the way I have acted. I was irritable, short-tempered and just not nice to travel with.
Unfortunately, I am pretty sure that my bad attitude was not limited to yesterday. I have been feeling that way a lot lately and have made the conscious choice to act it out, rather than choose to have a better attitude. And believe me, I am well aware that it is a choice that I make. It doesn't matter what the situation is or how the circumstances might have changed; I am responsible for my actions and I have had way too much to apologize for lately. In fact, I have probably not said I'm sorry enough to the right people (i.e. Cale!).
There is part of me that feels justified in my bad attitude to a certain degree. Which I realize is totally awful. We have had a lot going on lately that hasn't been that wonderful, but nor has it been that bad either. It's all about perspective. My eyes has been 100% focused on me and all the annoyances that seem to have come our way of late.
So all that to say that I am fed up with myself and my bad attitude and my self-focus and my sinful behavior. I've had enough and I can assure you that my husband and daughter have too. It's in light of all of this that I am so glad to have a change of scenery for the next few weeks. I know that that alone isn't going to do anything, it's my heart that needs to change. But I really feel like having time away from the normal business of life will help me refocus my eyes on the Only One That Matters. Like I wrote the other day, I need to take more time to just sit with my Father and let His love and peace and joy fill my heart.
"The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks." Luke 6:45